The 56th Mile of Life

Hello, my Wondering Readers,

It has been a while since I came here to write, and in truth, it was because I lacked inspiration. But I’m back, and I’m just going to write like I always have, from the heart. I titled this one “Beauty in Chaos” because it seems to fit the narrative recently worldwide. But there is something beautiful about chaos. Honestly, that is what life is. We are all just trying to get through our days and find the happiness that drives us.

Where do you find happiness when thinking about your future and what you want? I thought I would get there if I worked hard enough, pushed through enough, and was kind enough. But over these past few months, juggling a career, school, projects, and maintaining social engagements burned me out faster than I could achieve my desired future. Then, I started to think about the things in my life that made me unhappy. So, I decided that this year, this chapter of my life would be called “My Turn.”

I realized what made me happy was my friends, my inspiration, and creating content based on that inspiration. I dove down deep into my creative roots, established this blog and company last year, and took on a candle company where I partnered with people who helped me in the past and never forgot about me. Seeing those friends again made my life so much more fascinating and downright crazy because of the amount of love that has come into my life I could have never bought.

I realized that to build the happiness and future I wanted, I had to go back to my roots. But that also made the life that I built outside of that little concerning. I realized I settled for the wrong people, places, and ambitions. They didn’t align with my morals, values, and direction. I also didn’t realize how many people I have helped or inspired over the years, and people I thought had forgotten about me, reached out and let me know because I was an anchor in their lives. It made a difference. I never thought about it because, honestly, I have carried low self-esteem for a lot of my life. I Made a lot of mistakes in the past, from overcoming drug addiction to battling grief to my mental health battling PTSD, ADHD, and Depression for years.

But if anything about the chaos of all this realization, I finally understood myself and my future. It was time to put my strength and courage to the test. I leaned on God for direction, and so I charted a course through open waters, not knowing where it would take me. I started fighting for my right to be here and to be happy. I realized that no matter how many times I fall, I can always get back up again and still keep going without having to sacrifice myself to do it. What gives me that strength is the unconditional love I have for the people closest to me and God and the love and courage I have to love myself against all odds. I stopped settling for just enough and unapologetically started fighting for what was right and just. I’m not perfect, and I won’t pretend to be. I have made mistakes, but I have always fought on the side of trying to do the right thing.

Sometimes we have to be called out on the bullshit to open our eyes to new opportunities. So, to my readers, here is my advice. Don’t give up. Keep fighting to find the things that set your heart on fire and bring you joy, and if it doesn’t and tears you down, leaves you feeling defeated or burnt out, hell, even on your last leg, it’s not good for you and its time to change it. Sometimes, that means walking away from people, jobs, family dynamics, and situations that not only cause harm to your mental health but also your future. Because even a damn will break under pressure. So, don’t be damn be the water that flows through it, winding and going through different periods and finally finding a place where you can settle and call Home.

So now you’re probably wondering what I have done. I started writing “The Death Chronicles,” a six-book series that will be available on Amazon. I don’t have a release date yet, but it is coming. I have sold out all my candles thanks to a wonderful friend who stepped up to the plate without even having to be asked. I have started posting again on TikTok, and my name is Burke_T if you would like to follow! I started making jewelry for fun and might end up selling some with my candles because many of my friends keep asking! I started learning Mandarin, which, by the way, is really hard!! It kind of just happened on that one. I reconnected with some blasts from the past, and it put a smile on my face bigger than Texas; now, I see them almost every week. We sit, we chat, and we shoot the shit. I am doing great in school, making the Honor Roll, and now in publishing and editing class; wish me Luck! I’m diving head-first into the unknown, seeing where life takes me.

What I’m trying to say in this raw, uncut, nonfiltered post Is that Just because you have made mistakes in the past doesn’t mean you can’t become the great person you’re meant to be. Just because you don’t fit in doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself. Change and change the things around you when they are not working anymore. Yes, we need money to live, but don’t let that be the deciding factor of your happiness. Just because you don’t want to lose people doesn’t mean you have to settle for situations that make you miserable. And, just because someone doesn’t understand or see you for who you are doesn’t mean you are not unique or essential to someone else. Just because you’re different doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself. It doesn’t make you wrong for realizing and processing things. It means you didn’t have to settle when everyone else told you you should.

So, to my readers, I love each and every single one of you. Thank you for supporting me and being a factor that has set my dream on fire. We are all on the struggle bus together, so I’m taking you guys with me any chance I get. In the past, I hid my identity because I was afraid of the backlash or the hatred that sometimes comes with being a content creator. To be in the industry means you have to have big balls the size of a steal. So, as long as we are on this boat together, I keep fighting for y’all and myself. Because I believe in a world where there is understanding, kindness, positivity, and bright horizons that deserve to be admired, I just needed some time to figure my shit out. I love all of you so much. Let’s keep taking life one step at a time! I wanted to make a fast and furious reference, but I won’t be a cliche.

Always,
56 (Taylor)