The 56th Mile of Life

      Have you ever had an out-of-body experience with peace that made your soul cry tears of joy, like clear liquid gold washing the shores of contentment. That’s what it feels like when you connect with your inner self and let go. A peace washes over you. I never thought I would feel such a sense of peace again, but I did. 

    This past Sunday I went to a concert with my best friend. We got to see Simple Plan and Avril Lavigne play. And the whole time, it rained. By the end, we were soaked all the way through. But something magical happened at a concert of all places: nature and its power to drive connection. It had been a while since I had done anything like that, but I knew I wanted to return to the world again; I couldn’t wait any longer.

      But as the wind picked up and lightning clattered, I did not know if we would get to see it. But it made it magical; as the time grew closer, the bands had a decision to make: does the show go on, or does the audience go home? After two hours, they went ahead anyway. 

     The rain picked up and got thicker, and we stood and watched as the rain ran down our faces, soaked through our clothes, and washed away any traces of makeup we had put on. But at that moment, finding a song I connected with, yelling it at the top of my lungs in a rain storm, felt like the most free I had been in a while. My chains were finally broken. 

      Everything I had held in finally came out of me, and the rain, like a comforting friend, washed the tears and pain away. The lightning thundered, creating designs of golden lines. The music added to the glorious masterpiece. My heart could finally heal, and I could finally rest. I let go of so much that the fear that held me down finally washed away. I jumped, I danced, I ate a considerable pretzel, I sang every song, and the entire time, I smiled with my complete soul. God had created art in the sky to fit the music for just one moment of peace and love for me. 

      I have battled with mental health for the majority of my life, and over the past three years, the struggle got harder and harder. It has worn me out. But because of my hard head, I throw every punch it throws ten times back. At times, it has felt like the entire world was on my shoulders, making me feel guilty and shameful for having a mental health disorder and not feeling entirely normal. There have been times when my thoughts have hammered me, and I had to pick myself up off the floor every time. 

      I have given everything I can these past years to get my everyday life back. I am constantly journaling, talk therapy, medications, music therapy, and cognitive behavioral to retrain my brain on how to face triggers, challenges, and obstacles. I have fought every day for nine years. I’m not a perfect person. I can’t give you all the answers, but I can tell you that God gives his biggest battles to his strongest soldiers because of sacrifice, enduring, and love. Because God wants you to be who YOU ARE, not what other people want you to be. Normal is not a thing anymore, and I think we can recognize that we are all human and that every single one of us makes mistakes. But what you learn and how you grow from your mistakes and failures will be the very thing that makes you the person you’re supposed to be in your heart and God’s eyes. Then and only then will peace finally happen.

This post is dedicated to Chance, one of the first friends I met on TikTok. And has been supportive throughout my life and is there to tell me cool, spooky stuff. Thank you, and don’t ever change!!

#FrightNightFridayscomingback #31daysofSpookyhereonthe56th

Always, 

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