The 56th Mile of Life

Hello, wondering readers,

This will be the most challenging blog I have written. My heart breaks as though the waves could carry me out to sea. Grief is essential; it is the only proper foundation in this world that lets us know that Love is authentic and that a person or place exists. It is consuming like a moth to a flame. To look back on memories and miss the very thing that set your heart aflame is genuinely a catastrophic enigma of upending comfort and a blanket to the unseen eye.

Why is Grief so important? Why must we experience Grief? What can Grief do for a person? I asked myself this question for a long time, never knowing what the answer would be or even if I should know it. But, from this writer, Grief is probably one of the most beautiful and intense emotions you can experience because of this. Through Grief, you can find joy; it changes you, makes you wiser, allows you to see the world differently, and allows you to experience genuine, solid, concrete emotions.

Grief is inevitable; every person in this realm must experience it at one point or another, whether it be the ending of a relationship or friendship, the passing of a loved one, or even the dying of your inner self. It is essential because Grief leads to this, the foundation to be reborn. It sets you free to change, grow, and continue to increase your abundance and teaches you that you can overcome anything.

I have struggled with Grief for a long time because I did not understand it like an unwanted disease that riddles the mind and confuses the body. At some points in my life, I treated Grief as if it was a friend encouraging reckless behavior and using it as an excuse to continue a cycle. But I thought a year ago I was done with Grief. I thought I was ready to part ways with my friend in a way I would never experience again. It had broken me and, in turn, made me weak and unlovable.

But in turn, Grief has shown its comforting hand again, and as I confront it, I find that this time, it has changed. Instead, Grief, much like the experience of death in my life, has held its hand out and said, “I am Here, and I am sorry for it.” We sit in silence and are shocked by events. Grief waits; it is silent but there.

I feel anger, sadness, and despair at seeing my old friend, but like I said, it is inevitable. So I ask Grief this: “Why, now? Why at this hour have you come? What have I done to deserve such a sentiment of upheaval and contempt?”

Grief looks at me and says, “I never tried to destroy you; I only love you, for it is why I must comfort you in this timely hour, because of all that I am and all that has been done. You may rise again, a new one with a bigger and brighter future. You must feel me to appreciate the Love, desire, and strength that comes with my presence. You, my wondering author, are far more beautiful, elegant, and kind-hearted even to think you do not deserve true peace and Love. This loss is great, but your heart, soul, and light are important. So, I must be selfish. I must sit and wait until you are ready for the journey ahead. I will not hinder; I will sit in silence and be there to comfort, teach, and listen. But, I Grief will get you through the darkness and back into the light.”

We sit for a moment, and I listen to my heartbeat, tears streaming down my face. Heartbroken. I look at Grief and say, “Am I strong enough to weather this storm? Should I stop and wallow like I have? Grief, we’re. How do we go from here?”

Grief takes a moment and bends his head. You can feel a slight sadness, and then he pauses and says, “That’s just it, my darling girl, you keep going, never stop, and know one day this too shall pass into memory, and you, my darling, brave and robust girl, will be as you always were brave, kind, courageous, and love with all your being continuing to be light and never letting despair retake you. You are and forever will be the phoenix that rises above the ashes, the sunrise on a cold winter day; the very humanity you possess will continue to build you and be your creation for a timeless rebirth of unending death. It is my Love for you that I must comfort you to resume my presence, not as a hindrance but to ship you along in this life journey to have what you deserve: genuine happiness.”

As I sat there in the presence of Grief, he held my hand; he dried my tears and comforted my soul. Seeing my friend and knowing he must leave again is bittersweet, like the dust that has settled on the bookshelf, my forgetfulness of his presence and just knowing how important he was. I used him as a tool, but I treated him with compassion and understanding this time. There is no forgiveness there because what has already happened was forgiven a long time ago. But for now, we sit in silence and comfort to watch me rise again.

This is a post dedicated to all those who are lost, may you be found, take comfort in you friend, just don’t sit with him to long. But, recognize that he is a friend and you must rise again.

Always with Love,

-56